


look back, pose

by johndery



Series: on that demon time, she might start an onlyfans [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Kinda, M/M, Satire, how does one even tag this..., johnny has a drinking problem, rating for descriptions of sexual acts, uhh johnny gets drunk and tips jaehyun onlyfans $500?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:13:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24593596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johndery/pseuds/johndery
Summary: okay, here’s the thing: at the very,very top, like, first place, of the beforementioned list ofjohnny’s terrible past mistakes, sits a very specificterrible past mistakehe’d rather never speak of out loud. a secret buried so deep that the only way it would come out is if he went five hundred dollars into debt because of it.“holy fuck,” mark pushes comprehensible words through fits of giggles that shake his whole body, “you didnotdrunkenly spend your entire allowance for the month on acamboy!”
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Series: on that demon time, she might start an onlyfans [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1929190
Comments: 35
Kudos: 445





	look back, pose

**Author's Note:**

> things to be gathered from this:  
> \- i am not funny  
> \- i have no clue how onlyfans works (have mercy on me. i haven't made an account yet. just pretend this is realistic)  
> \- timezones make no sense
> 
> based off of this one tweet where someone got drunk and tipped $500 to onlyfans. i literally can't find it but i swear it's real i didn't make it up  
> hope you're taking care of yourselves and your mental health, don't forget to [stay informed](http://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co)
> 
> enjoy!

johnny’s life is full of regrets.

getting into law school. replacing the familiarity and comfort of chicago suburbs with the chaos and disaster of los angeles. rooming with mark out of convenience. spending the past three years crushed under the pressure of deadlines, exams, papers, and presentations that somehow double with each assignment he manages to submit on time. spilling coffee all over his favorite shirt that one cursed monday morning when he was rushing late, taking it to dry cleaners and getting it back completely ruined.

yes, johnny has made a lot of questionable decisions in the twenty-five years he’s spent on earth. he likes to re-evaluate all of them on fridays and saturdays when he decides he doesn’t care since life is meaningless, anyway, then proceeds to get blackout drunk and lie on the floor for a few hours contemplating if all this suffering is really worth it. he should have followed mark’s advice back in his freshman year when his much younger and yet somehow much wiser friend suggested, _fuck it all, become a youtuber_. because that’s exactly what mark did, and look at him now, ten million subscribers and a shorty award later, he’s the one slapping johnny awake in the middle of their living room, humming “ _wakey wakey, sunshine~_ ” as johnny comes to his senses.

he badly wishes he didn’t.

the pounding headache is familiar, the rock lodged somewhere between his throat and stomach even more so. he’s _definitely_ going to vomit that later. honestly speaking, every weekend that johnny wakes up like this, he thinks he’s reached a new low, and the very next weekend he proves past johnny wrong. it’s like an internal competition he has running with himself, still deciding whether he’s winning or not.

“whatimesit,” he mumbles, his own voice a stranger to his ears. mark is happily singing the latest pop hits under his breath like their own personal radio, pushing the heavy curtains open so the sunrays can hit johnny directly in the eyes, inciting a hiss out of him like a vampire or a corpse. currently, he feels more like the latter.

“just a little past noon,” mark supplies helpfully, “someone’s had a fun night.”

in a faraway place at the very back of his head, johnny knows mark is making fun of him, but there are other, pressing issues at hand that need to be dealt with before he can act accordingly to being provoked. he quickly runs through the memory system in his brain, recollecting brief, flashing images of the things he remembers clearly, the things that are merely a blur, and then the empty black box of lost time between eight when he cracked open the first bottle of henny and now, twelve, when he crashed down to reality.

the black box in question is bigger than usual, but that’s not a problem. he just needs to take necessary steps to piece the timeline together.

it’s a routine. another thing he regrets is pavlov training his body to become useless the second he sniffs alcohol in his near presence. it came with the consistent partying during the cursed freshman year and continued all the way to now, where he doesn’t even attend parties anymore, just drinks alone, miserable, and sad.

“dude,” mark groans, hastily cleaning up the mess johnny’s left behind him before he turned into a mindless zombie, “you could have at least undressed in your _own_ room.”

step one. johnny looks down and notices that he is, indeed, naked sans the old pair of simpsons boxers slung low on his hips. embarrassing, but mark has seen him in worse states of undress, he’s seen him in worse states than this in _general_ , so he’s not really bothered by his nudity. his clothes are thrown around the room, meaning he must have gotten undressed in haste. what _exactly_ he had been looking forward to so much remains unsolved, so he takes step two.

his phone.

yet another regret on a long, never-ending list of johnny’s stupid life choices, lodged somewhere between _eating a two-week-old mayonnaise egg sandwich because there’s nothing else in the fridge_ and _confessing to his crush without considering she may already have a boyfriend, and that said boyfriend is right behind her_. getting this ridiculously overpriced thing costs him fifty dollars more than he can afford per month but it’s the latest iphone model or whatever, and mark’s always insisted he should keep up with the trends even though he himself has a samsung. johnny mostly got it so mark would stop nagging at him about being old-fashioned and boring, but he must admit it doesn’t hurt that there’s no lag when he runs candy crush and plays it for three hours straight in his bed instead of doing homework.

unimportant. what gives johnny pause is his notification center. more specifically, how _full_ it is.

he reads them as they drop down. the first, latest notification is from mark, half an hour ago, texting _hope you’re awake by now_ , when he clearly wasn’t. he glances at the offender’s currently hunched back, picking up stray bottles of soju that johnny emptied without blinking. he’s a big guy, okay, and his tolerance only grew over time, so it takes a while to get him perfectly inebriated. there are more texts from mark, about ten of them in total, ranging from _i’m sleeping over at hyuck’s_ and _don’t get alcohol poisoning… just kidding, you already did, didn’t you?_ so he skims through those quickly and moves on to the next notification.

most of them are from instagram – apparently, he commented on taeyong’s picture from sixty-nine weeks ago and his friend told him to _log off, johnny_ , which prompted doyoung, ten _and_ yuta to make fun of him in the replies without his awareness until literally this morning. the picture now totals to a hundred comments. once again, _embarrassing_ , but he’ll live. it’s not the worst thing he’s done while drunk.

the worst thing is probably the notification that comes after that. or, two of them, actually.

under the instagram notifications, lays his e-mail icon, and a message titled: **[onlyfans.com]: thank you for your contribution!** there’s more in the body of the e-mail but he barely reads what it says, something about a one-time purchase or a donation of some sort, because he’s more focused on the .pdf file attached at the very bottom. it’s a receipt. he taps on it, the file opens up with ease and johnny nearly gets a heart attack.

there it reads, clear as day, that johnny seo tipped five hundred dollars to onlyfans user _jeongjaehyun_ at 2:34 a.m. the previous night.

he stares at the number, then at his own name, then at the username and repeats the cycle for about three billion times until his brain short circuits and explodes, resulting in him dropping his phone to the carpet, where it lands with a soft _thunk_ , and catches mark’s attention.

johnny pays him no mind, not even when mark picks up the offending device and waits for the face id to fail recognizing him, punches in the passcode he learned against johnny’s will, and proceeds to laugh his face off once he learns of the reason behind johnny’s demise.

with his hands in his hair, his head between his knees and curled up into a fetal position, johnny lets the loudest humanly possible scream that echoes against their walls and shakes up their apartment building.

okay, here’s the thing: at the very, very top, like, _first_ place, of the beforementioned list of _johnny’s terrible past mistakes_ , sits a very specific _terrible past mistake_ he’d rather never speak of out loud. a secret buried so deep that the only way it would come out is if he went five hundred dollars into debt because of it.

“holy fuck,” mark pushes comprehensible words through fits of giggles that shake his whole body, “you did _not_ drunkenly spend your entire allowance for the month on a _camboy_!”

oh, but he did. johnny stares at his own feet, devoid of any emotion as his mindless actions slowly come together.

to get to the root of this problem, johnny has to travel three months back in time, to the end of exam season and becoming so stressed because of it that the only way he can _finally_ unclench and enter his newfound and short-lived freedom is knocking back a couple of beers and scroll through twitter porn until he gets horny enough to wank the pressure out his system.

that’s how he stumbled upon this _jeongjaehyun_ figure on twitter, a struggling college student much like him by day, a soft-baby-omega-angel-pup-slut-whatever you want him to be by night. johnny ended up three hundred tweets down his media page, absently palming at his dick, until he finally got the courage to click the link he attaches to every image or short video, that supposedly leads to their uncensored versions. that he has to pay for. _fuck_.

fair enough, the fees themselves weren’t high at all. _jeongjaehyun_ asked for a measly five dollars per month to access his premium pictures but looking at the high number of his subscribers – like, there were at least five zeroes in there, if johnny’s brain could do math while drunk – _jeongjaehyun_ must be making _bank_ with this onlyfans business. cursed with a boner that won’t go away, one-touch login to his paypal and two weeks of pent-up frustration, sexual or otherwise, johnny ended up making an account and subscribing to this man only ten minutes later.

back then it seemed like the rare occurrence in which johnny’s luck and brain worked _alongside_ rather than against him, because the site opened to reveal a _shit ton_ , put eloquently, of content _jeongjaehyun_ regularly provided.

he’s pretty sure he watched like, at least ninety percent of the videos jaehyun put up. some of them were titled _[request]_ and then described whatever it is a specific user wanted and paid extra for him to do. he skipped most of those, since they felt too personal, and johnny’s brain is not only stupid, but also sentimental at odd times, and he’d rather not watch videos meant for other people to see. even _if_ this camboy he’s become a fan of so suddenly bases his whole career on strangers like johnny to watch him get himself off.

the video he busted a fat one to was titled _angel gets fucked silly :(_ , featuring jaehyun wearing a pair of little white angel wings and nothing else, getting absolutely _wrecked_ by a fuck machine. how did he even get that installed? where did he buy one? can johnny get him another? anyway, the video was in _pov_ format, meaning johnny had a real good sight of jaehyun’s legs spread wide and the lube trickling down his thighs, staining the sheets under him as the toy drilled into his puffy, stretched hole until he was spurting cum everywhere. not his proudest nut, but _damn_ , it was a good one. definitely worth the five bucks.

and more, apparently, because johnny left another five-dollar tip and even commented on the video with _you’re so good at taking it!_

great. not only was he romantically awkward in real life, it was good to know he sucks even more in text form.

it became sort of a ritual after that. get half or full drunk, open his iphone 11 max pro 256 gigabytes and play jaehyun’s videos on full screen until he was busting, mind blissfully empty, cock twitching in his hand, and toes curling under his blanket.

it got so bad that visiting jaehyun’s onlyfans turned into a treat after the end of another exhausting, uneventful week. quickly, though, johnny found himself regretting it, again, like everything else in his poor, horrifying existence. sure, he made a burner account to follow jaehyun’s twitter from for latest updates, even commented on particularly racy videos jaehyun put up over the week that he caught up on, liked basically every selfie he posted, stored the little bit of info jaehyun gave out to the public about his personal life – that he’s twenty-three, residing in seoul, korea, fluent in korean and english, learning japanese, likes ambient pop and guys stronger than him – but soon it became… well… _more_.

okay. here’s another tiny detail of why johnny _epically_ screwed up with this one: at some point, jaehyun started _replying_ to him. yeah, he replied to a lot of people in his comments, but johnny’s username came up in his mentions a lot more than any of his other subscribers, and he woke up one morning to jaehyun liking a bunch of his ‘witty’ one-liners and cringey pickup lines. from there, it developed into jaehyun responding to johnny’s “ _haha, nice load bro. awesome balls_ ” commentary with, “ _thank you johnny. means a lot coming from you :)_ ” which left him baffled and staring at the ceiling for about two to three hours before he felt sane enough to move about his day as normal. of _course_ , he used his real name when he created his account, of course he did, because drunk johnny lives and breathes to make sober johnny’s life even harder.

after that shameful incident, johnny decided to comment… _sexier_ things on jaehyun’s videos. instead of _hey, that was a harry potter reference!_ he wrote stuff like _look at you, such a pretty, pink mess for hyung_. when jaehyun went live and asked if he looks pretty blowing a dildo, johnny would say _you’d be even prettier with my cock down your throat instead_. and it _worked_ , like magic, seeing the blush spread from the tips of jaehyun’s ears to his exposed chest after reading that. jaehyun became more attuned to johnny’s input, searching for it automatically whenever he asked the audience something, the videos he posted afterwards always highlighted things johnny asked him to do, and in turn his wallet was steadily emptying itself into jaehyun’s bank account. without even realizing, johnny was a goner, and his secret got buried even deeper, along with the strange clench around his heart every time jaehyun smiled at the camera and johnny deluded himself into thinking it was meant for _him_. 

until today. until the five hundred dollars he didn’t even _have_ , jesus, his bank will _flip_ when they get the notification on monday, his roommate still rolling on the floor laughing at johnny’s irrevocable stupidity, and the unread notification still waiting for him on his phone.

he snatches it away from mark’s prying fingers and opens the last message, the one that came in only seconds before his receipt to hell did.

he immediately wishes he didn’t.

he hadn’t even _known_ there’s an option to privately message people on onlyfans. and even if he had, it wouldn’t even matter because it’s not like anyone, especially _jeongjaehyun_ would message him on it, anyway. except. there it is, in his inbox, currently opened, the read receipt on, a paragraph from the creator himself. johnny is certain he died. he died of liver failure and this is all just a post-mortem dream before his brain inevitably shuts off completely. there’s no way – simply no _fucking_ way that jaehyun of all people in the world texted _him_ after that debacle.

maybe he thinks johnny made a mistake. wrecking his brain, trying to remember what led to johnny depositing such a large sum to jaehyun, johnny comes up with nothing that stands out. he ignores the message, ignores even the glimpse he gets of the opening line ( _hey johnny! you must be surprised-_ ) in favor of frantically scrolling through jaehyun’s profile to find a trace of his devastating actions that led him to bankruptcy and humiliation in front of his crush. wait, what? scratch that. his – doesn’t matter.

there’s a video, posted twelve hours ago, titled _i’ve been a bad boy_. he doesn’t play it, the thumbnail is enough – jaehyun on all fours, two fingers stuck deep inside of him, eyes rolled to the back of his skull – but dives into the comment section instead and – holy _shit_ – finds himself in there, like, basically flooding the whole feed.

it’s not an exaggeration. there’s a comment of his posted pretty much every minute, deep and insightful liners like _fuck you’re so good_ , _such a pretty baby_ , _look at you taking it nice and slow_ , as well as incomprehensible keysmashes that supposedly signified something good? mark tried explaining the concept to him once. only once. the point is, he’s pretty much the only person whose comments can be seen, posted two hours after the video itself and drowning out any other innocent user that simply wanted to thank jaehyun for a nice, quick jerk off session.

 _you’re so good  
holy fuck, look at you go  
you’re not a bad boy, you’re so good for me  
so good for hyung, fuck you’re gonna make me cum_-

once again, johnny screams. a delightful sound, shaking mark out of his laughing fit and bringing him back to johnny’s internal turmoil until he starts laughing all over again at the sight of johnny’s flushed face. well, that explains his state of undress. he was apparently having a _really_ good time.

so. he pretty much clowned himself on his favorite camboy’s latest video. that’s fine. surely, he’s not the only thirsty stranger on the internet that jaehyun’s had to deal with, being that pretty and getting tips for fucking himself on camera. except. _except_. johnny doesn’t _want_ to be just another creep on a checklist of people who have lost their minds because jaehyun is just too good at what he does. he wants – he _was_ , kind of, _stupidly_ hoping that jaehyun likes replying to him because it’s _him_. it’s _johnnysuh_ calling him beautiful, calling him his baby and telling him how to angle that hitachi wand he wants to try out on live. which doesn’t make any sense now that he thinks clearly about it, without alcohol clouding his brain and better judgement, because jaehyun doesn’t even know what he looks like, while johnny has every detail of his body perfectly memorized in his head.

it’s _weird_ , his infatuation is _weird_ , and it makes his drunken decision all the _worse_ , because jaehyun doesn’t have even an inkling of an idea _why_ johnny had done what he did.

in the midst of his emotional breakdown, his contemplation of changing his name and moving to a different country, and his best friend slash roommate coming to his senses and deciding he should make a video about this, johnny’s phone dings with an incoming notification.

his eyes glance down at the lit-up screen instinctively. his heart drops to his ass, figuratively, when he reads the preview, and the urge to scream all over again is barely stifled. it reads:

 **onlyfans  
_(jeongjaehyun):_** _i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to freak you out! i just thought it would…_

the message fades out, the contents of it obviously too long to fit in a singular line, and holy shit is johnny actually still dreaming? is his theory true? there’s simply no way that any of this is happening, “mark,” he calls weakly, “pinch me.”

“what?” mark hums, looking up from his phone where he’s diligently taking notes of how he’ll profit off his best friend’s misfortune.

“i said _pinch me_ ,” he nearly yells the last two words, urging mark to jump on his feet and do as he’s told, pinching johnny’s bare arm so hard the older _squeaks_. the stinging on his skin remains, johnny’s hand reaching out to soothe the burn, a pout dragging his lips down. so it _is_ real. this is happening. there’s a new message from jaehyun on his phone, _apologizing_ , like johnny isn’t the one who fucked everything up because that’s just what he _does_. ruins everything good going on in his life.

“fuck it,” he curses out loud, “fuck it all,” and opens the chat again, this time to actually read what it says.

 **onlyfans  
_(jeongjaehyun) 02:34 a.m.:_** _hey johnny! you must be surprised i’m texting you out of the blue like this. i just wanted to personally thank you for your generous tip. it caught me off guard but in a good way! considering you’re my favorite subscriber, i’m really glad it came from you. anyway, to properly show my gratitude, i would like to do something special for you in return. is there something you’d want to see from me?  
**(jeongjaehyun) 12:26 p.m.:** i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to freak you out! i just thought it would be nice to make it into a little special, just between you and me. once again, i can’t thank you enough. your comments always make my day when i read them._

johnny thinks he passes out.

he’s pretty sure that his head donked against the floor and he lost consciousness in the abyss of his vast mind.

in reality, he’s staring at the screen until it turns off and then continues staring, analyzing every single part of those two messages until words don’t make sense anymore and his brain threatens to explode into a million shards.

jaehyun… was _glad_. jaehyun wanted to thank him, _him_ , johnny seo, for the tip by filming a _special_ for johnny, just for johnny to see and no one else and- there are little speech bubbles swimming above his head, circling around him, pieces of jaehyun’s messages pierced together: _you’re my favorite_ , _i can’t thank you enough_ , _your comments always make my day_ , _i would like to do something special for you_.

 _for you, for you, for you_ , chants inside johnny’s skull repeatedly.

“damn,” mark’s lips smack next to his ear, chewing on a gummy bear he dug out of johnny’s secret candy stash, “i didn’t think he’d like you back.”

“fuck off!” johnny bellows, swinging his well-aimed fist to punch the first part of mark he can reach – his thigh, supposedly, the younger whines in pain as he limps towards the kitchen, “he doesn’t- it’s not- he’s just thankful.”

it’s a nice gesture. johnny’s body kind of short-circuited after the offer, so even if he wanted to power through this conversation with his horny monkey sex brain, he can’t even urge that part of him to wake up. can’t even text back a _haha sounds good ;p so you like crossdressing?_ that would be rude and, while definitely on the list of things johnny would like to do with jaehyun – he means, watch jaehyun do while he rubs one out by himself in his room, obviously – he wants to take his time formulating a reply and do this right. he can’t fuck things up with jaehyun of all people.

which why his fingers develop a mind of their own and he texts back _omg u srs?_

“AGH!” johnny rises to his feet, staring at the read notification immediately popping up in the chat, meaning jaehyun was – he was looking at their texts at the same time as johnny did, and yep, not important, he doesn’t care, doesn’t matter they were essentially doing the same thing at the same time – “don’t even dare bother me for the rest of the day.”

his threat to mark falls deaf on the younger’s ears, too busy looking up the stuff he’ll buy once he cashes in the revenue of his next video. thankfully johnny _still_ has other, more pressing issues at hand than mark profiting off his bad luck, so he lets this one slide. for now.

he locks himself in his room and sinks down on the floor, frantically typing out a follow-up response that will soothe the damage the first one possibly caused.

 **onlyfans**  
**_(johnnysuh) 12:33 p.m.:_ ** _i’m so srry. idk why i typed that that was so bad. i mean, you really want to do this for me?  
**(johnnysuh) 12:33 p.m.:** i mean, i’m a little shocked. i didn’t know i was your favorite.  
**(johnnysuh) 12:34 p.m.:** you’re kinda like… the only camboy i watch so idk the etiquette. i just think you charge way too little for the quality of your videos, i didn’t expect anything in return._

there. calm, cool and collected. johnny is sure there’s no way jaehyun can tell he’s actually about to cry in real life. those are definitely tears clouding his vision and threatening to spill any second.

jaehyun reads his string of totally calm and sensible messages inquiring further about the offer he’s put on the table, and johnny almost tears himself a new bottom lip with his teeth when the typing bubble comes up.

 **onlyfans  
_(jeongjaehyun) 12:36 p.m.:_** _you sound nervous when you type. cute lol  
**(jeongjaehyun) 12:36 p.m.:** don’t worry about it. this is more like a side job until i graduate anyway… and yeah, i’m ‘srs’ as you called it.  
**(jeongjaehyun) 12:37 p.m.:** i may be the only camboy you watch, but you’re the only viewer i’ve ever messaged privately. :)_

 _play it cool, man_ , a smaller johnny perched on his shoulder tells him, thumbs hovering over the on-screen keyboard, _the boy of your dreams whose asshole you’re intimately acquainted with just called you cute. no biggie._

 **onlyfans**  
**_(johnnysuh) 12:38 p.m.:_ ** _your just saying that…..  
**(johnnysuh) 12:38 p.m.:** not that i’m complaining but, like, why? why me? you don’t even know what i look like.  
**(johnnysuh) 12:39 p.m.:** maybe my name isn’t even johnny. like. you can’t know?_

that’s cool enough, right? besides, he _does_ want to know. there’s not a single logical reasoning behind _jeongjaehyun_ , whose channel popped up in the top ten trending nsfw pages on the app’s homepage last month, wanting to do something for _johnnysuh_ , a guy whose profile looks like a spambot. he didn’t even put a profile picture or anything. the anonymous silhouette stares at him every time he texts jaehyun back.

 **onlyfans  
_(jeongjaehyun) 12:40 p.m.:_** _um….  
**(jeongjaehyun) 12:40 p.m.:** this is kinda embarrassing but…._

oh god. whatever it is, it’s certainly doomed to blow up in johnny’s face. even if he entertained the idea of jaehyun sending him a personalized video, that dream is long gone now, an unobtainable shadow in the corner of johnny’s peripheral vision that moves ever so slightly whenever he turns to look at it, always just shy out of reach.

 **onlyfans**  
**_(jeongjaehyun) 12:41 p.m.:_ ** _lol i don’t even know why i’m telling you this.  
**(jeongjaehyun) 12:41 p.m.:** maybe because it’s almost 5 am here and i make stupid decisions at 5 am.  
**(jeongjaehyun) 12:42 p.m.:** anyway, uh… when you first showed up in my comment section i got curious so… i may have googled your username.  
**(jeongjaehyun) 12:43 p.m.:** it sounded too much like a real name…. lol i mean people who usually comment are called assblaster69 or BigAlphaCock.  
**(jeongjaehyun) 12:44 p.m.:** and lo and behold… i was right._

oh.

well. that certainly puts perspective into things. or things into perspective. johnny’s systems are malfunctioning, so he can’t be sure.

certainly, this is the point where the simulation glitches, and real-life johnny wakes up in his bed, covered in cold sweat, wonders what _that_ was all about and continues with his life undisturbed. he waits for that moment – for the crash of the reality train that will pull him out of whatever this trancelike state is, and he can google the meanings of his dream in the safety of his covers, pondering on what could have happened if he continued to sleep just a little bit longer.

it doesn’t happen. all that he has is his cold bedroom floor, his simpsons boxers and _jeongjaehyun_ going off in his DMs.

 **onlyfans**  
**_(jeongjaehyun) 12:46 p.m.:_ ** _i’m soooo sorry, johnny, that was so creepy of me i know  
**(jeongjaehyun) 12:46 p.m.:** i just couldn’t help it  
**(jeongjaehyun) 12:47 p.m.:** and the way you talked… you are just so different from everyone else i’ve met on this site  
**(jeongjaehyun) 12:47 p.m.:** and then that tip from earlier… honestly i couldn’t believe my eyes.  
**(jeongjaehyun) 12:48 p.m.:** this was stupid… i didn’t want to make you uncomfortable._

uncomfortable? _does_ johnny feel uncomfortable? it’s not like he has made his identity a secret – reflecting back on his drunken self’s inability to come up with creative handles and reusing the one from his instagram, something like this was only bound to happen. he just never thought – never even _considered_ , really – that jaehyun would be interested enough to _google_ him. and oh, that’s a thought. that the boy of his dreams, the man that’s unknowingly helped him through more stress-relief orgasms than he can count, is interested in him. in _him_!

granted, it only took five hundred dollars to get that text, but. _but_.

 **onlyfans**  
**_(johnnysuh) 12:50 p.m.:_ ** _no!! its not stupid!!  
**(johnnysuh) 12:50 p.m.:** srry i was just. in shokc  
**(johnnysuh) 12:50 p.m.:** still kinda am haha ngl  
**(johnnysuh) 12:50 p.m.:** i mean… i do pay you to like… throw ass on camera so idk if you’re the creepy one here?_

nice. he thinks he handled that pretty well, especially when jaehyun sends back a full row of laughing emojis and mark would probably say that’s a good sign, so johnny lets himself breathe, gather his thoughts before delving into anything deeper. the good side to all of this mess, aside from possibly getting to know the object of his affections – purely physical of course!! – is that the hangover nausea completely dissipated, chased away by literally every other possible emotion a human can go through in the span of half an hour.

 **onlyfans** _  
**(johnnysuh) 12:52 p.m.:** so…  
**(johnnysuh) 12:52 p.m.:** about the… video or whatever… i kinda need to think about it?  
**(johnnysuh) 12:52 p.m.:** if you still wanna do it ofc!!  
**(johnnysuh) 12:52 p.m.:** but until then… you can like… tell me what you like. and stuff.  
**(johnnysuh) 12:52 p.m.:** (and i don’t mean just sexual… like. anything goes)_

yes, johnny’s life _is_ a series of fucked up choices and decisions that land him in more trouble than it’s worth. like his drinking problem. he really needs to work on that. and linking his card with apple pay? _really_? that time he featured on mark’s channel for the roommate tag and got dubbed as the guy with a fart fetish. _that_ was humiliating on a whole different level. the two weeks sophomore year he spent consuming nothing but coffee in all its variety of forms, which landed him with a hospital bill he still hasn’t paid off.

**onlyfans**  
**_(jeongjaehyun) 12:54 p.m.:_ ** _of course!_  
_**(jeongjaehyun) 12:54 p.m.:** you got an iphone?_  
_**(jeongjaehyun) 12:55 p.m.:** i can give you my number… so we can talk about the things that you and i both like. and stuff._

at least now he can say, with confidence, that there are _two_ things on the bottomless list of _things johnny seo wishes he did differently_ that he doesn’t regret, _at all_.

**Author's Note:**

> i kinda wanna write jaehyun like. actually sending him the video so comment if you'd want to see that? or something


End file.
